


The Ruins of Yesterday

by sorrysenpai



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, PTSD flashbacks, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Resolved Argument Prompt Exchange, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:14:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27346405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorrysenpai/pseuds/sorrysenpai
Summary: They build, they build, they break. And that is how it goes.
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair & Kieran White
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	The Ruins of Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> [ Loop the music ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqCg4sIhyFc)

The last of the sun rays faded into the Ardhalis dusk, leaving the golden rays from the lamps the only source of light in his apartment. The winter was slowly soothing out, changing the weather to a slightly warmer temperature, with occasional chills flowing here and there. You could roam around freely, but you’d need a coat. 

But unlike the cool breeze outside the windows, his apartment was warm. 

Kieran inserted the key in the keyhole of his locked door. It unlocked with a soft click, and all he had to do was press on it some more, but he refrained from pushing the door any further. With a small sigh, he turned around one last time to look at her. Her hair hung and splayed down her back like red bougainvillea on a white wall, she left them open the way she usually kept them when the day was over. While her face was the auburn lights entering the windows as the sun went down, radiated and warm in the soft gleam of the lamps in his living room, leaving her eyes glowing like molten gold as she looked back at him with a soft smile on her face. 

“Are you sure you want to see that?” he asked. He kept his breathing at normal, but his heart was pounding hard. He could feel an unfamiliar flush rising to his cheeks and Lauren noticed how his eyes flickered, like a candle in a wind, from hers to random objects in the living room, then back into hers, then somewhere else. His meekness was one of the new sides of him she had seen. But again, this was something really dear to Kieran. 

As a response, Lauren took a step forward, moving closer to him, and placed a gentle hand on his bicep, giving it a light, comforting squeeze. 

“You don’t have to force yourself, you know that right?” Kieran felt his stomach flip when he matched her gaze once again. Affection and warmth brimmed in her eyes in a way words couldn’t describe. There was nothing more alluring than the fact that he could lose his way forever in her eyes. Captured in the kindness of the soul, lost so deep, he felt a blooming in his chest.

Getting no response from him, she continued. “Don’t force yourself, Kieran. We can wait,” she spoke softly, her voice comforting his tense nerves. He stopped moving for a second, then a smile cracked, like daybreak on his face. Not the classic smirk that he had out of cockiness, no. A genuine one, the one that reached his eyes, and gave them life, made them shine, deep blue like the oceans shimmering with diamonds in the moonlight. 

“There’s no need to wait,” he turned back to the door and pushed it ajar. “You only have ten seconds though,” she snickered at his condition, a hint of cockiness getting back into his action. 

The door was pushed wide open now, as Kieran moved out of the way, gesturing Lauren to head inside. “After you, my lady,” he joked and received a smack to his arm from her. 

Lauren crept inside, not to disturb the tranquillity of the room. There weren’t lights, leaving the faded sunlight the only illuminator. There was paper everywhere, stacked and peeking out of the cardboard boxes, pinned and stuck on the walls. Lauren watched, marvelled at his sketches spilling out on the walls, covering most bits of it before catching a peek of the desk by the window, causing her to shift, like a wave towards a shore, deeper inside the room towards it. There were more of them on it. Her fingers found themselves encircled around the string of the lamp, as she tugged on it, lighting up the room now dimming out in the subtle twilight. 

His nerves eased as he watched her from a distance, arms crossed, leaned back on the door, like an unfinished sculptor, eyes fixated on Lauren as hers roamed in every corner of the room. But she couldn’t feel his eyes on her. Her attention was completely fixed on the papers in the front. Strange that they both dealt with them, but with her, it was just out of duty. While what Kieran did, was create. 

Moving the sheets, to take a better look, she ended up spotting a few faces that she was familiar with. 

“You drew Kym and Will,” she stated. Kym was laughing, pointing at Will, and he looked done as he usually is at Kym’s, up to no good, mischievousness. Kieran barely knew them, and yet he was able to capture every little detail of theirs. Like the way the corners of Kym’s eye crinkled, the way her head cocked at a certain angle when she would laugh, and how William...just looked fed up with her.

“It was on the day I joined your office.”

“Ah”

A part of her withered away as the memory of that day flashed before her eyes. How everything seemed to go downhill at that point, how she desperately wanted to keep him away from her, and her loved ones. Funny how this day was so different from that one.

Then her eyes peeked up again, and she saw herself. No, not a mirror. She recognised the little bit of the visible clothing and the muffler in the sketch as from what she remembered wearing on the day of Harvey’s death. Heat spread through her, rising in her palms and the tips of her ears, she didn’t realise that she was advancing towards the sheet on the wall, till her fingertips brushed the smooth surface. 

“Is that...” her voice started to trail off, but before she could say anything else, Kieran moved from the doorway and reached behind her. She felt herself being pulled in his embrace, back pressed against his chest, his hand covering her eyes, the soft chill of his palm soothing the heat gathered in her face, while his other arm was wrapped around her waist.

“Alright, time’s up. I gave you ten seconds, it’s been way more than that,”

She whines a stubborn ‘no’ like a child protesting to not go home, hands gripping his wrist, so she could take a look, but all protests die on her tongue and dissolve into laughter, as Kieran drags her out of the room, holding her in his arms, so she can’t run away.

Her hand still rested on his wrist, while his, on her waist, as they exited the room. Kieran closed the door shut, withdrawing his hand from Lauren’s face.

“That’s not fair, I wasn’t done,” she pouted but stopped when she looked up at him. He didn’t move, but he wasn’t looking her in the eyes again, and the smile, though remaining, had faded a little. His tension returned back to his nerves, sending chills to his core. He opened his mouth to say something but stopped abruptly. 

“I’m not proud to say that I have seen the ‘ugly’. Neither for the fact that I am the one who’s the cause of that most of the time but...” he doesn’t realise that he has subconsciously pulled her closer to himself. 

“It’s nice to...just...just to remember that there are good things. Things that are beautiful and that the world isn’t always as cruel as it is, not everywhere at least.” 

His pulse was beating faster, she could feel it as her thumb brushed on his skin. Saying he was nervous was the least she could say. 

“Hey,” her palm, now away from his wrist, flattened and rested on his cheek, “You aren’t alone in this. I’m with you, and I hope you know that.” 

It is moments like these he feels truly lucky to be by her side. The sense of reassurance and comfort that scatters like the light through a kaleidoscope. He is lost and found again, here, next to her. He pulls her closer and buries his face in her neck, as her fingers brush his head, and she kisses his temple. 

And this is how they move. 

They build, they build, they break. And that is how it goes.

  
  


\----------------------------

  
  


“Lauren, wait,”

The stomping of her feet echoed in the Precinct’s hallway, even in rage, her grace was evident in her gait. It was still early, and there had been screaming in the office. He wasn’t there to witness what started the spark, but he was there to see the flame get out of hands. There was a lot of yelling between Lauren and Kym. Something about Lauren straying away, and Kym hiding too much for anyone’s good. Words were thrown like bullets that day, till finally, one of them had to lose it. 

_“Well, I know how to let go, and accept things, Lauren, you’re the one who’s still stuck!”_

That’s what put out the flame. The yelling drowned to deathly stillness, like the quiet before the roaring storm, except this was more of an aftershock. Nothing moved, nothing made a sound other than their heaving chests and ragged breaths, eyes brimming with tears and rage, glaring into one another’s, as if their looks would help in turning the other to ash. 

Lauren is the first to leave the room, followed by Kieran, while Kym grips her hair out of exasperation and falls back to a chair, William going after her as she gets a hold of herself and realises what just broke out. 

“Lauren!” Kieran called out again.

“Leave me alone,” she spat, rage laced all over her words, her feet taking her to god knows where. She’ll probably punch a wall this time, and if Kieran did not leave, he may become the wall. 

“Look, I don’t know what happened--”

“Exactly, you _don’t,_ stop this and leave me alone,” she spoke through gritted teeth in a low voice. This is where she was losing it all over again. And this is what Kieran wanted her to avoid. He vividly recalled their discord at his cave from a few months ago, and how everything went down for good after that. This was happening again, and though there weren’t any fists to a verbal altercation this time, there was no good end to this, and she clearly didn’t need another strained relationship. 

“Listen to me, will you?” His tone softened, but Lauren remained the same. She won’t listen, cause why would she? Her turning away from him was more than enough for a response. 

“If you walk out now, you will never be able to stay the same with each other,” he stated quietly, voice audible only to her. 

“So what do you want me to do? Beg at her feet? Accept that it’s my fault that--”

“No one’s saying that, but at least don’t walk out on one another,”

“Yeah, tell her that,” she scoffed. Things did not start off well, and it was clear they were not going to end otherwise. 

“Do not forsake this, Lauren. Please don’t.”

And that was the last straw. For now, the fire was back in her. Taking a swift turn she looked at him, a gaze piercing enough to shake the devil himself.

“Well, I don’t know who you think you are but unlike you Kieran, I know how to deal with how I feel, and trust me, it’s much better than living in a delusion that everything is well and good and beautiful when it isn’t, so why don’t you go and do your ‘thing’, and draw your heart out, and convince yourself that you and the rest of the universe aren’t as bad as they seem when in reality, you know how you really are,”

There it was. All the rage and the venom bottled in her splattered like blood all over canvas. They only stood a few feet apart, but the distance between the two only widened. The rage encompassed her the way mist did to a waterfall. She saw nothing, but flaws of her floating up around her and her constant resistance towards the urge to push them down. Then, as though a wave washed over her, the storm cleared and the fog lifted as she noticed Kieran had taken a step back. 

She took notice of how he flinched for a moment. His body as if on autopilot braced itself from a fall that he didn’t take. Words cut him through and through like blades through glass, but for the life of him, he would still stand. Ignoring the heavy twinge that burgeoned in him, sinking deeper in his nerves, and registering the involuntary twitch of his brow, he went silent. 

His demeanour switched in a matter of a few seconds, the still of the sea, facing turbulence before going still again, and she watched the way his eyes become glassy, reflecting anything in front of them. 

_Her._

Then the blue went blank, losing all emotions like the rainbow being drained of its own colours and becoming stoic like the black waters of the abyss. He could no longer look at her without having something lifeless plucked out of him. His figure straightened up, as if nothing happened, and he was back in the usual office self. 

“Leave me alone, it’s a request,” although now watered down by a few tones, the rage was still present, cause she wouldn’t back down. 

“Sure” he could only manage a mutter. 

He doesn’t say anything and just watches as she turns on her heel and the way her hair swayed in waves of red with the poise only she could ever hold. And with a final glance towards her, Kieran too turns till both of them are walking towards opposite poles.<  
 _  
  
  
///  
  
  
  
_ His hold on the pencil switched, as it moved off stroke. A small frown formed on his face when he took notice of the mistake and of the broken flow. Letting out a sigh, Kieran placed the pencil over the sketch, before leaning back on his chair and running his fingers through his hair. 

He doesn’t take notice of the tension present before his fingertips reach and pressed on his forehead. 

His head was heavy, heavier than usual as his fingers pressed further, kneading into the skin, leaving him hissing in pain when his palm reached to push back his hair. 

He glanced outside at the horizon, bright in the auburn glory, painted out like a masterpiece, relaxing into the blue of the sky and the cool of the dying winter; an absolute contrast to the strain of his eyes. 

Sighing, he held on to the pencil again, resuming to finish what he started. Looking at the sketch, he looked back at the memory of the event and paused from making any further movements on the sheet. He could see it all, all over again. The wisps of her hair cutting through the air and the barb of her eyes shooting right through him, right before the roar. 

He looked up at the sheet that was pinned to the wall, the same one she had touched not too long ago, then looked around the room. Stretched with stacks and stacks of paper gathered from years and years of work, avoiding the one question every time,

_Aren’t you just satisfying yourself?_

“This really is a delusion.” with a sudden surge of weight all over him, he could only manage a whisper out of his, now dried throat. He could no longer make himself look away, at the walls of this room and looked back at the sketch. Barely managing to fix his error, he finished his sketch and put the pencil down, only to recognize his unsteady hand.

_Strange, indeed._

With a clench of his fists, he shut his eyes tight and thought about every single thing about her he could. Her smile and her rage; Her eyes, here and at the Precinct; Her touch, like feathers, like magma. He clenched tighter, exhaling out a deep rough breath as the rattling of his fingers ceased. 

His eyes open to a dark glow, as he lets go of his invisible grip, and it’s only then he takes notice where his nails have sunk into the skin, leaving temporary crescents that would vanish by the time the morning rises. 

  
  


\----------------------------

The office is fine the next day. At least that is what it would look like to the others, for they were the lucky ones to not face the calamity of yesterday. As for the next time he sees her, she doesn’t look him in the eye. And when she does, it’s he who looks away.   
  
  
  
  


She is the last one to arrive when she walks into the office. With a swing of the door and the clack of her boots, she’s marked her presence, greeted by the friendly, _‘Good morning, Lauren’_ from others, as she makes her way inside. 

It's a beautiful day.

But what the others don’t see is the expression and the subtle voices exchanged between the Lieutenant and the Archivist, muffled by the tempo of the workplace, something that Lauren immediately takes notice of. And when she looks at them, she is met with a polite smile spread across his face, as William muttered a small, _‘Morning’_ in her direction, alongside a forced tight smile from next to him. 

A piece of him dies when he looks at her. 

She greets him with an energy matching his own.   
  


Which only got worse when Kym got off her desk. As though caught in an act, they both freeze dead at the sight of each other. No idea what to do, or say or what to receive from the other, they just looked at one another. And if it was the tense gaze that manages to shake him up, the blank look being shared and exchanged between the women absolutely petrified him. This is what he wanted her to avoid. 

“Good morning, Lauren,” she smiled.

And as if on cue, Kieran excused himself from the room. 

  
  
  
  
  


The next time he finds her, he’s in the locker room. 

She crept in like she always did around him, entering with a small creak to the door, but he doesn’t turn to acknowledge her presence, so he busies himself with the pockets of the coat that was placed in the small storage space in front of him. So when she calls out his name, it’s responded with a neutral hum. 

“Can we talk?”

He stops fiddling, and with brows cocked in a lazy manner, he finally turns to look at her, face tilted as if saying _‘go on’._

Taking in a deep breath, she began, “Look--”

But before she could say a word, the door slammed open, sending her _flying_ to the wall nearby, on which she crashed with a loud thud. Kym stuck her head inside but somehow didn’t notice Lauren.

“Hey Kieran, Hermann wants you in his office, he cannot find that file again,”

Kieran, taken aback with the sudden burst of energy and the very obvious aftermath, barely managed to keep his expressions at bay. His eyes diverted to Lauren, then at Kym then back at Lauren, before fixing at the door as he brought a polite smile on his face.

“I’ll be there, Sergeant.”

“Okayyy,” 

Then she disappeared, leaving him and her alone. He would’ve helped her but he couldn’t move from his spot today. He watched as she grimaced at the aftereffect of her collision. She got up after a few seconds, catching his eyes on her before she looked down. 

“I’m okay, I...”

_He never asked._ The thought crossed her head vividly before she brushed it away and decided to continue.

“Listen to me, I--”

“I’m afraid I’m being called for.” 

Her eyes shoot up again, with sudden creases threatening to form on her forehead. He waited for a response from her side, but the words died in her throat. Silence took over the room like smoke gathering in a tight place, suffocating her breath and stinging her eyes, before getting banished the moment his hand reached for the door. 

“Don’t take it personally, **I’m only trying to keep my head on my shoulders,** I’m not the only one who _doesn’t_ enjoy Hermann’s anger.”

He leaves, and somehow, it has the effect of a wick-burning out, leaving her alone in the cold darkness. 

  
  


**\----------------------------**

  
  
  


Adrenaline floods his system, and he’s barely breathing. Balancing on wobbly legs as he covers his mouth to force his breath into a sane rhythm, suffocating every bit of it, but getting closer to normal with each passing second. 

It is one of those days where the Precinct is thrown into mayhem and disarray and today, the lone archives seemed to have company. 

Inside, hung the carcass of a humble civilian. 

His eyes were blown wide open. Those very eyes, which may have once carried the beauty of the night and spread to the black expanse, lay lost without the light as the owner of them remained lifeless.

His hair had the shade of blonde, just slightly lighter than Lieutenant Hawkes’, remained mussed, as blood continued to pool and stain the hardwood below him. 

Kieran cannot feel anything other than the throbbing of his eyes and the ringing in his head as he runs to the farthest turn of a corridor he could locate. 

He is overwhelmed and drastically exhausted. 

And then, he’s no longer the only one there. 

She has rushed after him. He can tell at the way she practically crashes into him. She runs and within moments, has her arms wrapped around him.

He stills.

“Are you okay?” she’s still panting. 

With no knowledge of how he should react or feel about the girl pressed up against him, one could say Kieran was at a loss for words. It’s as if chaos was brought to a sudden halt; as if the storm decided to stop midway. It doesn’t feel right, and he curses the relief it provides.

When he doesn’t react, she only worries. “Say something,” she pulls him in further.

A part of him wishes to forget about their altercation and let her know that he’s not okay, that he is reminded of someone dear when he sees _that_. 

He wants to hold her close, and steady them both, till they both are breathing fine. But before he could manage to clasp an arm around her, envelope them both till the daylight plays in their favour, he is halted by the echo of footfalls.

And the sound isn’t the only thing that stops that side of Kieran to get ahead of itself.

“Kieran, you-- Oh,” He looks up to see William turning to them. Taking note of the situation between the two people in front of him, William understands what was happening. 

“I-I was here to check on you. Don’t worry, I’ll give you two the privacy” and with that, he has left just as quickly as he had arrived. 

And if Kieran’s own consciousness wasn’t enough, Will’s presence helps the reality dart its way into him, like a snap in his skull. So when he acknowledges Lauren’s presence again, he gently takes her arm and makes some space between them.

“Lauren...You don’t have to do this. You can leave me.” he pinches the bridge of his nose as he inhales one last time, before looking back at her.

“What?” He doesn’t like the way her eyes have narrowed.

“No one is here,”

“You think-- Kieran, you out of everyone acting like that over there is nothing short of concerning, and you think I’m only doing this because I have an alibi to stick to?” she hissed.

“Don’t you have to, though?”

“It’s not--”

“No” he states in a voice void of all feelings, and that manages to stop whatever Lauren was about to say dead in behind her lips. 

“Leave, Lauren. I can handle this”

But she won’t leave, because she is his equal when it comes to being stubborn. She will stand firm because she will always manage to catch uncertainty in him. And he is well aware of this, and he notices. So despite it being Kieran’s request for her to leave, it is he who has already left his spot.

  
  


**\----------------------------**

“Alright enough,”

He looks up to her as he is situated against the self, a folder in his hands no longer interesting him as he shuts it with a delicate clamp of his fingers. The action sends her back to the day when he’d declared them a couple for the sake of alibi, and, she wouldn’t admit but, to the day where she’d labelled him inhuman, and he, the same, just under the name of hypocrisy. 

She’s got damp hair today, held in a loose pony, the end of it resting on her shoulder, few tendrils flying in the air like tributaries in soil, framing and caging the strung out look on her face. She’ll have to tie them up again before she leaves for her patrol.

“You cannot be here,” 

He says it in a way you’d state the colour of the sky at noon. But it still feels as though he’s called her a blind fool. 

“Look I--uh,” hesitation and uncertainty fill till the root of her as she glanced around the room in apprehension, similar to the evening with him not too long ago. He noticed her discomfort, saw right through her. Like he always did, that was nothing rare. 

She noticed him waiting, and so, her eyes shut for a moment and taking in a deep breath, she continued. 

“I wanted to apologise,” she stated, finally gathering the courage to look at him. 

And he was taken aback yet again, but not enough to unnerve him. The file, long forsaken from him, now rested on a chair nearby, while Kieran maintains a straight face as he leans back and she has to look away again.

“I know how much you hold on to what’s behind that door, Kieran. It’s something that’s really personal to you. And I have no idea about what you have been through, or how you have been till now, and I had no right to say that to you.” 

Lauren doesn’t know what she should be expecting from him. A nod, maybe a gesture from his side. But quiet starts to unspool between them, spreading towards the boundaries of discomfort.

“I’m not asking you to tell me more about yourself, I know you probably wouldn’t want to, I just wanted to say...”

“I’m sorry, Kieran.”

She finally, _finally_ looks at him, and there is a glint of hope, that she doesn’t quite believe is remaining, present in her pupils, like a ray of light in a lonely traveller’s path, a break of dawn when the night grows cold. And it is right here that Kieran knows that she has nothing to apologies for.

“Why are you apologising?”

Now it is her turn to be taken by surprise. Because they are the very same, catching the other when they don’t know what’s coming for them, reminding them of their place and where they stand, no matter how better or worse it gets.

“Don’t worry, I’m not mad. You aren’t at fault.

If anything, I should be thanking you instead”

She cannot hold back the frown anymore and the creases dip in the skin of her head, as the weight of her shifts from one leg to another, feet planted firmly to the ground, firm enough to uproot if pushed.

“Why?” her voice has lowered to a whisper, a mere scrape, a secret passed from lips to ears.

“You…”

_You are right_

“You’ll know it, you will.”

There wasn’t a single lie in what he said, because Kieran was thankful. Would he not be now? He only has to pay a small price for pushing his luck too far this time. There are boundaries he has set for himself, and the consequence of getting close with someone on the other side, someone who doesn’t belong with him, aren’t pretty. 

And he was lucky enough to pass with a fair warning this time, lucky to pass with a reminder as to why he has chosen his path as a lone wolf. 

So it’s only for the best if they stay away from each other.

**\----------------------------**

And unwanted disruption cracks through the walls of the cave as the gates are forced apart. 

He is standing in front of twine and paper cutouts pinned of one of the soft boards stationed there as his back greets Lauren. He doesn’t have to turn to know that she is here. She has bolted in yet again in a completely dishevelled state, similar to the night they were meant to part ways for good.

When he turns to see her, she is a mess on the verge of crumbling. Like pieces sewn together with markings and creases all over, but she stood on top of it all. Looking at her he cannot help but admire that even in her most worn-out state, she’d manage to captivate every bit of him.

“Kieran,” she’s bent, hands clasped above her knees as she pants. 

“Kieran the...” she looks up and tells him. She tells him everything she knows and everything she can say, and his face gets impassive with every word she’s saying. Every word he was well aware with. Where they can possibly find 7th, and what connection lies where. 

He knows, but he won’t say it. Not now. 

And when she is done, like a wave of relief has crashed over her, she lets a weary sigh exit her as her posture straightens. The gush of the waterfall and the flicker of the fire seemed to be battling for power, where the water had a clear advantage. It’s surprising that she can notice that. But then those are the only sounds that manage to take over when he doesn’t reply. 

And as if reality was playing tricks on her, there are sudden chills running through her blood. Then it hits her, like a flash of lightning sparking in her pupils. One moment, she’s here and the next, she’s back when she was being deprived of air. 

And it takes her a while to be aware of her surroundings. It had been a long time since she had been back in the cave. Long time ever since…

_...they don’t talk about that anymore._

“ **How exciting** ,” he finally says, making the clouds of her thought and sudden dread banish from her vision. He is spiritless again, his movements slow and lazy as he moves away from the board to reach for something in the drawer of a table nearby. 

“No, Kieran,” her eyes have widened in horror, and her voice has lowered to a whisper. She suddenly finds the air heavy, too thick for her to carry.

He has now busied himself with a pile of papers, whose contents she cannot see at the distance. Something breaks inside her, slowly, like water dripping through a crack, making it wider by each passing second, ready to break open any minute. 

“Look, I-I know you’re upset at me, but you need to help me,” she states on the verge of breaking loose like elastic stretched for far too long. 

“I know, I messed up and I know you wouldn’t want to forgive me. And trust me, I wouldn’t do that either if I was you, I--” her voice wavers, threatening to crack and splinter.

“I can’t let the entire city suffer because of something I can prevent, and I can’t do it without you. 

And after we are done, I will leave you alone. You can go your way, you can forget me, and I will be fine.”

“Because-- God, my eyes,” she pinches the bridge of her nose as her eyes burn like coal. But she won’t admit she can feel tears lining up by her lids.

Although she is great at hiding it, he can still feel everything within him. Her dying breaths and heavy voice feel like bells, overwhelming and consuming, and he wants to slip his fingers in her hair and calm her down, but he cannot seem to dare make a move.

And like that, they take another plunge into the silence, all to faint and deafening at the same time, unbearable to the point Lauren feels claustrophobic. All hope seems to drain, like sand dropping to the bottom of the hourglass, and on the top hangs the noose, looped around her neck.

“That day, you told me not to forsake,” she says quietly. 

And she means it. She will admit that she is the one walking guilty today, that fire cannot be put out with fire and renouncement will only leave her stranded. She will admit losing someone who Lauren would probably never even meet had it not been for her catlike leap into the archive window.

“Please don’t make a mistake as I did, Kieran,” and this time, she lets her voice break apart.

And that does something.

The shuffling of the papers ends and Kieran turns to face her. Her head, that she holds high with dignity and firmness, as someone who won’t settle for less, now droops to a low bow in guilt and dishonour, as her the pads of her fingers knead her eyelids. 

“ _Lauren,_ ” her palm shifts, and she looks to see him in front of her. She has missed her cue to notice his silent footfalls when he made his way to her. He has a palm extended to her. 

He just sighs upon noticing the puzzlement in her swollen eyes and extends his arm further. And her initial hesitation leaves the moment her fingers entwine with his. She lightly winces at the pain the stretch of her palm sends due to the crescents she holds in them.

“I will help you, and then we part. Deal?”

“Deal.” she nods, but restlessness manages to seep through anyway, drowning her in a void, before she manages to pull herself out. “Are we keeping conditions again?”

Hands still interlocked with hers, Kieran’s lips draw into a thin line, and after a moment or two of silence, he speaks. “Personal boundaries, remain personal” 

“Personal boundaries,” she gulps, “Remain personal.” Lauren tries to remain nonchalant, but the glint of despair still escapes to reflect in her eyes.

“And just don’t bust my skull open with your gun” he adds.

It doesn’t quite make her laugh but manages to get a feeble smile on her face, all too crooked at the right angles, and she has to hide away her face in her palm. 

They don’t realise of their proximity till Lauren inches closer to him and her head props against his shoulder, and somehow it has the effect of slowing everything down around him. Slipping them into a lapse as if they’re the only ones in a city full of shadows. 

And then, it has passed in a trice, with residual vapours vanishing in thin air. With a clear of his throat, he has taken a step back, hand falling awkwardly out of her small one, the loss leaving an ache which they both suppress. And Lauren knows that she shouldn’t be surprised. That the gap between them will only widen with intimidating greatness.

And this is how they move. They push, they pull; rising and crashing all along, they forget, they remind. Because they are the very same, equals of their kind, raised under different circumstances.

They build, they build, they _break_ , like crashing waves in the harmony of their battle, where at the end of the day, there is no victory, but two individuals bound together on parallel paths of their own lives, forever on the edge to splitting and never meeting again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: It took me three months to write this :D
> 
> Kudos and comments are most welcome, 
> 
> I like hearing people's opinions (or just them crying :DD)
> 
> I'm kidding, 😇  
> (or am I? 🤐 Soph really is rubbing off on me it seems...)


End file.
